last chance blogger..

strongly dislike blogger

For some reason nothing I do lately on blogger seems to turn out right! I think I may switch to word press because my pictures are turning out blurry.. the font gets all screwed up etc. It makes be not want to blog so I dont:(

i think ill try it out and see how i like it.

LOVING this!

The next few days when I looked at her I cried. The spirit of purity she brought with her into our home overwhelmed me. I've waited my whole life to be a MOM and it took us a very long time to get little Gwennie here. I just feel so grateful and humbled to be her mom. Nursing for 8 hrs a day, changing tons of diapers, no sleep, getting spit up all over etc. doesnt bother me at all, I consider it a privilege. When she cries to wake me up in the middle of the night I just get excited to hold her, bury my face into her neck, and kiss those big squishy cheeks:) Im SO happy she is finally here!

Hospital

why are these pixelated? If you click on the image you can tell its not poor quality. Help.

Gwen's Arrival

I woke up July 21st from a night of painful but irregular contractions and went to the doctor that morning to get a check up, I was so happy to hear that I was dilated to a 3 and 100% effaced. They said I would have the baby today or tomorrow! So i ran some last minute errands and cleaned. Sure enough that night contractions came back, starting at 11:00pm. I wanted to do as much as I could at home so I showered and packed my hospital bag. By 2:45am I couldn't take it anymore so I woke Alec up and we headed for the hospital, thankfully we live next door so it only took about 30 seconds. When we go there they checked me and I was at a 5 so they let me stay:)

The second we walked into the room where I was to deliver, it hit me. Tears filled my eyes as I looked over at the empty bassinet that would soon be filled with MY precious little daughter. There was such a special spirit there.

The contractions were painful and I was so relieved once I got the epidural! I remember thinking why didn't I come in sooner and get this! I was able to relax, smile, rest and get excited for my little girl to come. Then at about 11:30 am my epidural machine started beeping and ran out. I had been dilated to a 10 for over an hour now and was just letting the baby make her way down on her own.

It was time to push and I could now feel everything. awesome.

I thought I was tough because I wanted to be able to feel what was going on so I didnt have to push for as long.. so I told the doctor to hold off on topping me off. Wrong about being tough, and wrong about not pushing for long. I started to push at about 12:00pm and did so as hard as I could until 3:19.

The last 2 hours were a blur. Her head was stuck. I hadn't slept in over 48 hours. I was pushed beyond my human capacity. Alec told me later that sometime during the last 45 min I just started praying out loud with all nurses and doctors in the room. oops... Heavenly Father, I cant do this anymore. I need you to take over now. I give up. I have to. It felt like I was in and out of consciousness, between contractions I would get oxygen, and just pass out, and then there it was again. It was HARD. Beyond HARD, it was IMPOSSIBLE. I'm pretty sure you could hear me screaming from the parking lot. I couldn't have gone through that alone and I thank Heavenly Father and the angels that were there helping me. Alec and my nurse being 2 of them. My nurse Mary never left my side, she dabbed my face with a cold towel, told me I was the best pusher ever and Alecs voice was the only thing getting me through each contraction. Everything else was just a blur. Finally her head started to come out and then they said wait for the doctor! What! No! imagine being in the worst pain of your entire life x10 and someone saying to you.. hold it right there! It took him 15 min to get there. seemed like FOREVER. Am I ok? still alive? I thought I could possibly be losing it. Finally the doctor arrived and I pushed her out. I went from the lowest of lows in my life to the highest of highs all within a few minutes of each other.

Words cant describe the feelings that came when she arrived. I instantly loved her more than I knew I could love. I was overwhelmed with peace as I heard her cry and saw her tiny little body. They placed her right on my chest and I smelled and kissed her sweet face, then Alec and I put our foreheads together and cried. She was hard work. She was worth it. She was perfect.